Thoughts

I have had a roller coaster of emotions today. Today is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all of the women who have shaped me into me. I have had so many amazing women in my life, especially my own mom, and for that, I am forever thankful. I am thankful for the blessing of being a mother. I am thankful for the weekend we just got to spend in Louisville celebrating Richard's graduation! (I will post about that soon.)
I am thankful for the precious 7 1/2 months I got to carry my little George, and that when he was born, even though it was not how I expected or hoped it would be, I knew him. I held his body in my arms, and he was not just a body. He was my George. I knew him. I KNOW him. I feel him every day. When we were at graduation, watching Richard walk in the processional, I felt that he was there. When I woke up this morning, Mother's Day morning, I felt him. Many people that I have come in contact with over the past month have said things like, "you are so strong." I am not strong. I have days where I just feel completely overcome with sadness, and I just want to hold my baby. But, what is strong is my belief and hope that I will get to hold him again. I will get to be his mother, only by then, I will be a much better mother. (Poor Brynlie, she gets to experience the imperfect mother that I am.)
This is kind of a rambled jumble of thoughts, but that's how my life is right now. A jumble of ups and downs, highs and lows. But all the way through all of the jumble, I feel blessed.