It's here. Today is the day. Today marks one month since my sweet baby came and left, and changed our lives forever. I've been dreading this day, not knowing what to expect...wondering what emotions I would feel. Today my baby should be one month old. He should be starting to notice his surroundings, he should be recognizing my voice, he should be getting smushed by his older sister. He should have a nursery right next to Brynlie's room. But that room is empty, my arms are empty. The house feels empty. It's still just me and Brynlie. But oh how grateful I am for my Brynlie. She is seriously my light every day. She keeps me going. She brings me so much joy. I watched her play with her little cousin Timmy today--he is 10 months old--I watched how she acted around him. She was so protective. She made sure he always had his blankie. She shared all of her toys with him, even the ones she really wanted for herself. She would be such a great big sister to George. She would be my helper. It makes my heart ache to think about it.
This morning Brynlie and I laid on the couch watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in our pajamas. I kind of wanted to stay there. I wanted to lay on the couch all day and feel sorry for myself. I thought maybe it would work... eventually Brynlie asked me if I would play catch with her and her "peach ball" (beach ball). She reminded me that I needed to get up, get going, and enjoy the day. So I decided today is a day to celebrate. We are going to have cake and rent a movie tonight and pop popcorn and have a birthday party. So happy birthday to my little George. We are one month closer to seeing him again one day.
George's marker was placed in time for his one month birthday and Memorial Day.
P.S. My dear dear friend Shelby went into labor and had her baby boy last night at only 24 weeks. He was just over a pound and they unsure of the road they are facing with him. Please keep him and their family in your prayers.
2 comments:
Our prayers continue to be with you and with Shelby. Both roads have been, and will be, difficult to travel. With the strength of the Lord, we can do ALL things.
Love you!
Mom
Oh Carlie, my patch buddy- my heart aches for you. seriously I had such a hard time coming out and saying I was pregnant because there are so many wonderful mothers out there that either can't get pregnant or have lost a child and I feel selfish for being excited.
You are an amazing person and I look up to you in so many ways. Your story, your strength, and your willingness to be open and honest are such amazing qualities.
I have a neighbor who had her baby at 23 weeks, he was in the hospital for a quite a while but he came home a month or so ago and although he's still on oxygen and a feeding tube he's going to be just fine- not all stories are the same but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us all...
LOVE you Carlie- you will always be one of my dearest friends, even if I don't get to see or talk to you ever, ever... Lots of love and prayers being sent your way.
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