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Today we went to a fetal maternal medicine doctor to do some more ultrasounds and an amniocentisis. The ultrasound took about an hour...they really looked closely at everything. Then the doctor came in and went over the ultrasound again. She was very quiet while looking and we just let her do her thing, a little too afraid to ask any questions. Then she had us go wait for her in a consultation room. She took about 15 minutes, then came in and sat down. She went over the ultrasound with us, and told us what she saw. She saw the cleft, which she's pretty sure involves his pallate. His ears are very low, and his jaw and chin are hardly formed. His hands were still clenched tightly in little fists over his face. His legs were crossed, and his feet looked webbed. All of these are signs that we dreaded. Trisomy 18. I had been reading about it for the last few days, and as she described each of these signs, my heart sank. I knew the survival rate for babies with Trisomy 18--only 50% even make it to birth. Of those that do, the survival rate after birth is so so low, with the likelihood three times less in boys than in girls. Then she told us she also saw brain and heart defects. All of these things combined made her say with 90% confidence that he has Trisomy 18. We decided to do an amnio just to have a definitive answer, and so we will know how to proceed, especially what we will do if he makes it to birth.
As I looked over the ultrasound pictures when I got home, I realized just how deformed his little body is. His little face, his hands and wrists, some of his limbs are small, etc. I cried as I realized that this precious boy just needed to get a body, no matter what kind of body it was.
The amnio results will come back Monday, and then we will have more of a definitive answer, but I know in my heart that this little boy's time on earth will be very, very short. This was quite shocking news, and it's going to take a long time to get used to. My heart aches when I think of the crib bedding my mom and I had planned to make him, of the star quilt my mom made that I was going to drape over his rocking chair, all the little boy clothes I couldn't wait to buy, Brynlie wrestling down on her little brother in a year or two...My heart just aches. I have definitely felt some tender mercies over the last two days. Flowers waiting at our front door. So many phone calls, texts, and emails of friends from all over telling me our names were on the temple prayer roll and that they were praying for us. We have definitely felt that added strength. Yesterday we prayed to have a peaceful day. During lunch, Brynlie and I went and picked Rich up from work and went to Subway to get a FebrANY 5-dollar foot long. Our hearts were heavy and we thought a picnic at the park might cheer us up. Our next door neighbor walked in behind us and said, "I knew there was a reason I was supposed to stop here for lunch!" As we ordered our sandwiches, he told the cashier to not let us pay for them, that he was buying our lunches. My eyes filled with tears. It was so small, but I truly felt it was Heavenly Father's way of letting us know that he's watching over us, and that He will continue to send angels along our path.